Guys: How to fuck a cantelope
Hey guys, the ladies have been getting off in the produce
section long enough. It's about time we settle the
score. Next time you go to beat off, reach for a cantelope
instead. Here's what to do:
Pick out a ripe cantelope that has the same width as the length
of your hard dick.
Cut a round hole through both sides that's slightly
smaller than the circumference of your hard dick.
Peel a little bit of the rough outer rind away, around the
edge of the holes on both sides. We want nice wet soft cantelope
touching us.
Push out the seeds and guts.
Put the cantelope in the microwave with the holes facing
sideways. Nuke it on high for 30 seconds, turn it over, and
for another 30 seconds. You may want to continue rotating
and nuking for 30 seconds at a time until you get the right
warmth and consistency. Don't over microwave though.
It will make the cantelope too soft and it won't be able
to withstand your thrusts.
Stick your dick in the wet, warm, slippery hole and enjoy
the pussylike feeling. With the right angle of thrust you
can even create a slight vacuum inside the cavity of the
cantelope for a suction feeling.
You might want to throw on your favorite porno to distract
you from the fact you're fucking a piece of fruit.
You may never look at melons the same way again. Enjoy! :)
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